tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62290112189436695672024-03-13T21:21:18.272-07:00Poem about LifePoem about Life | Poems about Life by E.L. |
Author of Long Blue Linepoemaboutlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05729419332743113799noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229011218943669567.post-26465316442567715682017-02-03T14:09:00.001-08:002017-02-03T14:11:53.783-08:00Ambiguous Daughter<p dir="ltr">Though time passes on<br>
My clock sitting still<br>
A void much too strong<br>
I simply cannot fill</p>
<p dir="ltr">It's been ten years<br>
Since I last held you close<br>
In an effort to breathe<br>
This poem I'll compose:</p>
<p dir="ltr">My ambiguous daughters<br>
you were just under three<br>
I was the best mommy<br>
that I knew how to be</p>
<p dir="ltr">There sadly came a day<br>
I thought never would be<br>
On my knees I would pray<br>
You'd come back to me</p>
<p dir="ltr">In a tiny cramped room<br>
I held you for an hour<br>
I said that I was sorry<br>
I'd lost all my power</p>
<p dir="ltr">The social worker warned<br>
I had to walk away<br>
our time was over<br>
They wouldn't let me stay</p>
<p dir="ltr">Gabby rushed to her coat<br>
it was purple with fur<br>
Never will I forget<br>
the aching cry from her</p>
<p dir="ltr">Mommy she cried<br>
I want to go in your car<br>
Her young spoken grief<br>
left an ageless scar</p>
<p dir="ltr">Falling to my knees<br>
I held her secure<br>
I promised her soon<br>
for this I was sure</p>
<p dir="ltr">Maddy still young<br>
yet smart and aware<br>
cried with her sister<br>
helpless wimpers of despair</p>
<p dir="ltr">Never had I known<br>
Children so sad<br>
my daughters were alone<br>
A corrupt systems' fad</p>
<p dir="ltr">A mom at eighteen<br>
with flaws I confessed<br>
Not given one chance<br>
with a truth they suppressed</p>
<p dir="ltr">Time has passed slow<br>
eleven years of grief<br>
I vow to my daughters<br>
my promise to keep</p>
<p dir="ltr">Twelve and Thirteen<br>
your pictures bring me peace<br>
Behind a laptop screen <br>
My love cannot cease </p>
<p dir="ltr">Wherever you are<br>
any hour, day or time<br>
I want you to know<br>
this is more than a rhyme</p>
<p dir="ltr">I carry you with me<br>
through the sunshine and stars<br>
I'll forever hold on<br>
to what's rightly only ours</p>
<p dir="ltr">Whatever you've heard<br>
or perhaps may have not<br>
what you might remember<br>
or have even forgot</p>
<p dir="ltr">I must reach out<br>
in any possible way<br>
even if you'll never<br>
come back to me one day</p>
<p dir="ltr">You are loved beyond love<br>
You are missed beyond time<br>
to myself you're a part of<br>
Far beyond just a rhyme</p>
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<br />
<h2>
<a amzn-ps-bm-asin="1401940838" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="8be960af03a0ecf96ca56ab396dd83f2" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="Second Firsts: Live, Love and Laugh Again" href="http://www.amazon.com/Second-Firsts-Live-Laugh-Again/dp/1401940838/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=8be960af03a0ecf96ca56ab396dd83f2&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_7227544" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Second Firsts: Live, Love and Laugh Again</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_7227544" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=8be960af03a0ecf96ca56ab396dd83f2&_cb=1485136526408" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></h2>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I listened to this audio book recently, as I was suffering from one of my frequent bouts of insomnia. I've lived my life for the last 15 years...completely empty and suffering. <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B00O1LX7P4" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="46b52ac86e0dfcf974916654a7681632" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B00O1LX7P4/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=46b52ac86e0dfcf974916654a7681632&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_1904997" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_1904997" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=46b52ac86e0dfcf974916654a7681632&_cb=1485072464419" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> is my own personal memoir and it doesn't have an ending with closure for the reader, and the same has been true for my life (as the author).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Society has responded to my pain by telling me that I have depression, anxiety, and pretty much any other mental illness you can think of. Frustrated and exhausted, I was laying in bed and browsing on audible hoping that I could find something - anything - to help me find some sort of answer or relief.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For the first time in my life, this book gave me solid answers that made sense. Also, for the first time in my life, I was able to accept and understand that I have not been able to move beyond my grief, many years later.<br />
<br />
I have been sitting in the "waiting room" as the author calls it, and I have not allowed myself to transition from my previous life into my new life. The author points out that many of us are living in the "waiting room", mistaking this for our new life. It's living in a gap that's in between transitioning, and this gap is a constant state of misery and lifeless existence.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The author points out some very common, yet unhelpful views that our current society has on grief. Time does not heal all wounds. Consciously being aware of our grief yet having the ability to remain in the present,<i> instead</i> of mentally re-living the grief, is a good step forward.<br />
<br />
Some of us have profound loss in our lives that society <i>does </i>acknowledge, but others also have "invisible losses" where there's deep sadness within a person but it's not spoken of (divorce, for example).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I truly believe that anyone could benefit from reading this book. The author comes from a place of educational knowledge, practical knowledge as well as deeply insightful knowledge as she has experienced her own loss, first-hand.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Whether you want to find comfort and insight for yourself and your own grief, or want to have the ability to help others in their time of need, this book is for you and <b>100% a must-read!</b></div>
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<br />
An agony<br />
A void<br />
No single hope can fill<br />
<br />
Warfare dances rampant<br />
Every thoughts' corner-shelf<br />
<br />
Conflicted at the enemy<br />
Reflecting from myself<br />
<br />
This polar perception<br />
Sees life not all the same<br />
<br />
Or have I simply waned<br />
To your mendacious claim<br />
<br />
Perhaps it is you<br />
A neurotypical cult<br />
<br />
Hiding from yourself<br />
Unable to exult<br />
<br />
My illness is a lever<br />
To feel deeper than deep<br />
<br />
To register each moment<br />
A lesson that I reap<br />
<br />
Unafraid am I<br />
To release what I deem<br />
<br />
As you repress your life<br />
While I'm alive to dream<br />
<br />
Perhaps the true illness<br />
Was created by you<br />
<br />
My intellect transcended<br />
Far more than you knew<br />
<br />
You spend your numbered seconds<br />
Only breathing to be right<br />
<br />
An illness, indeed<br />
That never came to light.<br />
<br />
E.L.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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What's it like to lose parental rights?</h2>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Or...some may ask what it's like to go through a <b><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="527ebcc00312ae8ba9d924efcd437f5e" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=527ebcc00312ae8ba9d924efcd437f5e&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_8558730" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">child custody loss</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_8558730" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=527ebcc00312ae8ba9d924efcd437f5e&_cb=1481786426870" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />.</b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Here's my answer based on <b>personal experience</b>:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>It's excruciating. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You don't think it will actually happen,<b> until a judge makes it happen</b>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If I can offer a few pieces of <b>critical <i>advice</i></b> to any parent who is stuck in the <b>family court<img border="0" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=cb61b7305789166d50f0118fa37afe9f&_cb=1481786480260" /> <i>system</i></b> and possibly facing the <a href="http://bit.ly/based_on_a_true_story" target="_blank">termination of parental rights</a>, it's this:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The <i>system</i> is NOT on your side! </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The <i>system</i> does not care about what is best for you or your child. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Your case is another number. The <i>system</i> wants to close your case as soon as possible because they have too many cases to handle. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The <i>system </i>knows that it's going to COST them money to offer rehabilitation services to you (the parent). </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The <i>system</i> would much rather <b>adopt your child out</b> to a random family. There are millions of dollars available in "funding" to not only pay the <b>CPS</b>, but also to pay the family who supposedly <i>wants</i> to adopt your child. THEY ARE FUNDED UNTIL THE CHILD TURNS 18. <b><u>They want the funding, not your child.</u></b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The <b>CPS</b> case worker is probably going to make a<i> biased judgement</i> on the <b>first</b> meeting they have with you. They are going to judge you by the <i>first impression </i>and they will <b>immediately</b> decide if you are a <u>good</u> or <u>bad</u> parent. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b><u>If you come across as <i>weak</i></u></b>, they'll see you as another number who'll be easy to "deal with". They'll never be on your side and they'll report to the judge that you're an <b><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="9373354c24767e0c95bef163f303ee51" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=9373354c24767e0c95bef163f303ee51&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_3778868" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">unfit parent</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_3778868" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=9373354c24767e0c95bef163f303ee51&_cb=1481788765476" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />.</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b><u>If you come across as <i>strong</i></u></b>, your odds of reunification are much better. <b><u><span style="background-color: yellow;">This is what <i>strong</i> should look like</span>:</u> </b>Confident, firm, and willing to go through the bullshit to get your child back <i>AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Strong </i>is having the ability to effectively communicate with the necessary people and resources, as well as having the ability to contest lies and false statements in reports (which will be vast). Strong is being emotionally stable and standing up for yourself as a parent and standing up for your child as a dependent.<i> </i><u style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="background-color: yellow;">This is what <i>strong</i> should NOT look like</span>:</u> Erratic, emotional, unstable, sob-story, "poor me" attitude, helpless, scared. If you are unsure about giving a statement to a case-worker, or if you feel that you are being attacked, <b>DO NOT SPEAK TO THEM, PERIOD</b>. Tell them that you are uncomfortable and want an attorney to witness and mediate the meeting. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The best thing that <b>you can do to get your child back as soon as possible</b> is to regularly communicate with your attorney or public defender, and do <b>everything</b> that your attorney, the CPS and the court asks you to do, even if you don't feel like you should have to. If you don't show up to take a drug test because you are "offended", they'll think that you're either using drugs or that you're putting your own ego ahead of the welfare of your child. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>This is NOT the time to have an EGO</b>! If you want to ever see your child again, you will suck it up and go through every burning ring of fire for however long it takes. Lay low, don't socialize, don't go anywhere that you don't have to go to, don't talk to anyone about your case who isn't directly involved, and get ready to roll up your sleeves.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>I am sharing an important chapter in my <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="3c40f26fe350d5b42eec31ad9034f95f" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=3c40f26fe350d5b42eec31ad9034f95f&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_3648637" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">new memoir</a><span style="border-color: initial !important; border-image: initial !important; border-width: initial !important;"><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_3648637" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=3c40f26fe350d5b42eec31ad9034f95f&_cb=1481789685850" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> for </span><u>every</u> <u>parent</u> going through this battle to read. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is what it's like to hear the <b>judge's final ruling</b>. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is what it's like to <i>begin </i>the journey of trying to survive an unimaginable <span style="font-style: italic;"><b><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="df000e0ba71cfccbe4c7b319b6e61b1c" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=df000e0ba71cfccbe4c7b319b6e61b1c&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_1249497" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">ambiguous loss</a><span style="border-color: initial !important; border-image: initial !important; border-width: initial !important;"><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_1249497" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=df000e0ba71cfccbe4c7b319b6e61b1c&_cb=1481789791872" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />.</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is what happens when you don't fight with every ounce of your soul and sometimes, <i>even when you do.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is what it's like to hear a judge tell you that you will never see your children again.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is what it's like to say goodbye to unfulfilled memories and milestones that you'll never be a part of or have the chance to witness.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This is the result of an <i>incompetent system </i>that seeks to destroy the lives of capable parents and innocent children <b><u>every</u></b> <b><u>single</u></b> <b><u>day</u></b> because <b>their agenda and financing are more important. </b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<h1 style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://bit.ly/based_on_a_true_story" target="_blank">Long Blue Line</a></h1>
<h1 style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://bit.ly/based_on_a_true_story" target="_blank">Chapter 43</a></h1>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I returned home and told Derrick all about the visit. I couldn’t help but cry and worry about what would happen. I was so sad that I wasn’t as connected as I had always been with my girls and mad that, in spite of my poor judgment and mistakes, any one would have the right to take that away! I lay on my bed and cried for two hours. The first hour I cried for Chloe and Zoe, knowing that I hurt them and knowing that they must be so incredibly confused. I know that kids always blame themselves, but I hoped that they didn’t ever think that any of this was their fault. The second hour, I cried for our new baby. I cried because I was preparing for the worst, and the reality that CPS might take my baby away from me was a real one. Everything was sinking in and I would be forced to face the pain of it at some point.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Before the Court Hearing for Chloe and Zoe, I wanted answers from the CPS, and I wanted them in person. I was sick of hiding my pregnancy. I wanted to find out if they could tell me what could be done about Chloe and Zoe and what I had to do to get them back with me. I was getting scared and desperate. I wanted it to be clear that I would do whatever it took. The day before the Court Hearing, I walked down the street and crossed the highway. Derrick was working, and he didn’t know what I was doing. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist to see if a caseworker could speak with me for a moment. Five minutes later, a short man with dark hair in his fifties called me to the back where his office was. We sat down, and I was shocked at the first thing he said to me. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“When is your due date?” he asked. I made up a date that was a few months off, trying to confuse them and make it difficult for them to plot to hurt me even more. “Look,” I said. “I just need to know what I need to do to keep my parental rights. I will do anything that you ask of me. I would even leave Derrick if I had to. I lost time to do these things when I was arrested, and I need to show to you and the Court that I’m serious about taking care of my daughters and fixing the situation.” “I can’t say with confidence that there is anything I can do for you, Elizabeth. I’ll speak with my supervisor and look into it, but most people who make those decisions already have their minds made up.” He was useless. He didn’t even try to give me the information I needed. He didn’t even act like he cared about anything except trying to be nosey and scribble down notes about my pregnancy. I left after he said he would give me a call later in the week. I knew that he would not. It was all a waste of time, and I was even more worried. I prayed and prayed for God to help me get through this and to allow the Judge to see my progress and desire to fix my life and the lives of my girls. I told God that with me being so pregnant, I didn’t think I could handle losing my babies forever. The night before I had Court, I fell asleep with a bad feeling, and I cried until I started dreaming.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My alarm went off at eight in the morning. Derrick had taken time off work to take me, because he knew that I would need him if everything went bad that day. He was convinced that it would be okay. The few other people that I discussed it with were also sure that it would turn out in my favor - simply because I had completed every possible self-improvement class on the planet! I wanted to believe that it would be okay, but I wasn’t able to get my hopes up.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We drove down the icy highway and managed to find a parking spot only five minutes before the hearing began. We waited in the lobby along with ten other couples that were probably suffering through the same thing that I was. I was surprised when my name was called first. I wanted Derrick to go in with me, but it was a confidential hearing because it involved minors.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The seats were maxed out with what looked like Social Workers, Police employees, and other people wearing badges around their necks. If it’s so private, why the hell does it look like the media is here, I was thinking. I had no clue who they were and wanted them the hell out of the Courtroom. I told my Lawyer this, and she managed to get the Judge to kick half of them out. That was when I noticed that I had never seen the Judge that was currently before me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I asked my Lawyer where the other Judge was. He had handled my case since the beginning and was actually qualified and knowledgeable enough to make such a huge, not to mention final, decision in my life. “He is sick today so this is a temporary Judge,” she said. She saw the look of frustration and anxiety on my face. “I can’t tell you what is going to happen, but I'll fight to get this postponed, okay? It’s not a promise that I can even do that,” she said. She had that same look of sympathy on her face. She looked like she didn’t even want to be there. The Judge called the case number and had the Recorder document everyone in attendance. Mary was there. When I heard the Attorney for CPS mention this, my heart shattered because I knew what was going to happen.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My Lawyer was fighting as hard as she could even though the circumstances were entirely against me. She mentioned every single accomplishment that I had made since I left jail. This included twelve weeks of parenting classes, thirty days at a rehab facility, six months at an Intensive Daily Outpatient Center, nightly Narcotics Anonymous meetings, counseling sessions, and weekly drug testing. The Probation Department had written a letter stating my compliances, and it seemed that the pile of certificates I quickly obtained would have shown my desperation to be with my children. My Attorney had the Bailiff give the Judge the documented proof. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
During the time my Attorney was fighting our case and saying everything possible to delay the hearing, I heard the whispers of the employees of Social Services, the Court, and the CASA workers behind me. To them, I was nothing more than a drug-addicted liar who never was, and never would be, a good or capable mother. Now, it was I who was one of those pathetic women that I used to shake my head at in shame. It was all business to them and the closing of another case that they would be free to shake out of their hair.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When the Judge began to speak, the people behind me became silent and still. The Judge said a few sympathetic words of praise acknowledging the completion of my recovery classes. Not once, though, did his eyes directly meet with mine. I was silently begging him to just look at me, as I held my head up with a determined desperation. I wanted him to look at me, and I wanted God to let him see through me and just give me a fighting chance. When I realized that he was not going to look at me, I dropped my head in defeat. Please, God, please just give me a chance. I’m so sorry for making so many mistakes and I’m begging for your mercy. Please God - just don’t let this happen. I silently prayed.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As he was speaking his final ruling, I flashed back to the best days of my life - the days that my girls were born. I endured pain that I was never really prepared for. Their lives depended on this pain. The pain was just as real as they were, which made it painfully beautiful. The moment that I saw their faces and heard their first cry singing into my heart, I knew that I could go through the pain a hundred times over again. Nature pumped endorphins and serotonin through my body, and I was elated with joy. To hold in my arms the most perfect and pure gift that anyone can ever receive is what makes life and all of the pain it can cause, completely meaningful and perfect.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My gifts were about to be taken away forever. I managed to hold onto my dignity as I was hearing the most feared statement of my life, which was being ordered by the Judge, as permanently and painfully as anything could possibly be. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“The State of California and the county of El Dorado are granting the motion to terminate all parental rights of the biological mother, Elizabeth Jeter. The minors, Chloe and Zoe, ages three and four, will remain in the custody of the state until final orders for placement have been determined.” </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Judge was slamming his stamp down to certify the orders as if it were a signal to the Clerk to hurry through the paperwork and get on to the next, I felt it slamming intensely into my chest. It burned, ached and scarred. I was branded - branded as nothing more than a “birth-mother.” When the stamp from my punishment rose, it stole the flesh of my heart with it. I felt as if they died. They were gone. I would not see them again. I wouldn’t have any more visits, and I wouldn’t know where they were at all times. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Their first cries, smiles, laughs, words, teeth, steps and sweet pieces of artwork brought home to hang on the fridge were gone. I would have to hold on to these memories as tightly as I could because when I would inevitably become broken with pain in the long years ahead, I would no longer have the privilege of holding my daughters for any comfort or to uphold my responsibility of comforting them. Though Zoe was so young that she may not remember me down the road, I held on to the hope, and prayed to God as hard as one can pray, that Chloe would have just one first memory of me holding her, laughing with her, and loving her.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Please God, just let her remember how much I love her. Please don’t let her forget. She can tell Zoe the truth when no other will. Please…</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just don’t let her forget…</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It was done. I sat with my head in my hands and my face soaked with the consequences of my punishment. I didn’t want to get out of my chair. I just knew that the crowd of big shot Social Workers was gleaming with pleasure. They took joy in my pain. I wondered if Mary did too. I didn’t want to believe that it was over and there was nothing else that I could do. My Lawyer reached over to lightly rub my back in sympathy. I looked up at her and thanked her for the fight. As I hesitantly turned toward the isle leading to the exit, I kept my head down, not wanting to give my audience any more gratification from seeing my tears. I slightly glanced up to the left, and for a split second, I made eye contact with the woman who was taking my babies home with her to be their new mother. The only thing I hoped to accomplish through this brief exchange of eye contact was to etch into her mind for the rest of her life the broken soul that I became from losing my daughters on that sad day in 2007. I wanted her to always be hesitant to say any negative words to my Chloe and Zoe as they grew older. I wanted her to see my true tie to them, induced by instinct and nature, which we would always share - in spite of all the orders, separation and words. According to me, and even more importantly God, Chloe and Zoe were my children. Not hers.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A woman I had never been introduced to that was in charge of the Family Drug Court followed me out of the Courtroom and stopped me to offer a hug. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“Sometimes, the hardest thing in life is allowing one’s self to let go. I’m so sorry for your pain.” </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Out of an entire community made up of Counselors, Social Workers, Probation Officers, Attorneys, Law Enforcement, teachers and every citizen who had a role with the objective to help those in need, Olga was the only one who showed me true compassion. She thought I was worthy of comfort, and her hug may have been the tiny spark that kept my flame of hope and faith ignited - as it would soon be blown away…. again.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As I sit here in reflection and ending this chapter with tears in my eyes, I am grateful to see the beauty in this pain that now has purpose. I do not have tears from reliving the devastating experience. Today I have tears from feeling the tremendous joy in knowing that humanity is capable of empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. If only we could all be more like Olga.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I will always love and miss my little girls, and I still hold onto the hope that one day we will be united again.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Preview: <a href="http://bit.ly/ebook-true-story" target="_blank">Long Blue Line </a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://bit.ly/based-true-story" target="_blank">Based on a true story</a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Once upon a time</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She was only 13</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her cookie cutter home</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Grew grass always green</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Quiet and reserved </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She followed her heart</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her intellect was wild</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like an abstract art</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She invited a boy </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">To her cookie cutter home</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When he was with her</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She felt less alone</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He quickly showed her mind</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How to dance with her heart</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He was her new canvas</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her abstract art</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As fast as hello</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He had to say goodbye</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She spent 15 years</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wanting to die</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She never found another</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who could ignite her heart</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her canvas was empty</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There was no art</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Love was only real</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For a very short time</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She took what she could </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On the drop of a dime </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dimes turned to pennies</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pennies became void</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her art is now dead</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Her canvas destroyed</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Roses are red<br />
Thorns are green<br />
I lay in your bed<br />
My heart goes unseen<br />
<br />
If roses were green<br />
And if thorns were red<br />
I'd still be Thirteen<br />
And you'd love me instead<br />
<br />
Roses aren't blue<br />
Not purple or black<br />
But if they were green<br />
You may want me back<br />
<br />
I can't make them green<br />
I've tried every way<br />
Roses are red<br />
The true shade they'll stay<br />
<br />
Seasons will change<br />
And the petals will wilt<br />
But some things survive<br />
They are fatefully built<br />
<br />
I searched for the rose<br />
The rose that was red<br />
Like a lost memory<br />
It was green instead<br />
<br />
I tried to see my rose<br />
In every spring petal<br />
I was blinded by grief<br />
Unable to settle<br />
<br />
Roses are red<br />
Only one shade<br />
You are my red rose<br />
My only crusade<br />
<br />
This Red rose<br />
Is simply Inscribed<br />
When Romeo was still<br />
Juliette died<br />
<br />
The pain of this poem<br />
My rose colored red<br />
Is that your still sleeping<br />
As I lay in your bed<br />
<br />
If Juliette hadn't hurried<br />
To Romeo's side<br />
Could she still live with meaning<br />
If she hadn't died<br />
<br />
If she hadn't died<br />
from a broken heart<br />
Romeo would be alive<br />
But they'd still be apart.<br />
<br />
E.L.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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you laughed and you cried<br />
you gave me your fears<br />
<br />
As a child, a sibling<br />
and even a friend<br />
I was there from the start<br />
and I'm here to the end<br />
<br />
I'm here without condition<br />
I'm here not to judge<br />
I'm here at your will<br />
to never hold a grudge<br />
<br />
I'm here when you're up<br />
I'm here when you're down<br />
I'm here to bring air<br />
when your starting to drown<br />
<br />
I'm here by choice<br />
<a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="f2933ed4fa3b2e119f3648d3f8f4c7a9" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=f2933ed4fa3b2e119f3648d3f8f4c7a9&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_1947327" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">I love you to a fault</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_1947327" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=f2933ed4fa3b2e119f3648d3f8f4c7a9&_cb=1474805937487" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /><br />
make no mistake<br />
I don't love you <i>by default</i><br />
<br />
If I loved you by default<br />
I wouldn't be in pain<br />
I'd be like a dog<br />
Simply playing your game<br />
<br />
I'm still here, at 29 years.<br />
I've laughed and I've cried<br />
I've suppressed my worst fears<br />
<br />
I'm here when I'm up<br />
I'm here when I'm down<br />
I was there when I fell<br />
when I thought I would drown<br />
<br />
You weren't there by choice<br />
you loved me by default<br />
Humanity is sinful<br />
yet I'll never place fault<br />
<br />
I'm here and I'm there<br />
and here I remain<br />
you come and you go<br />
Merely for your gain<br />
<br />
Today I was here<br />
Awakened by my Soul<br />
who has been your subordinate<br />
your damage control<br />
<br />
Admittedly my Soul<br />
opted-in to embrace<br />
to be there when you called<br />
your pain you could place<br />
<br />
I'm here and you're there<br />
memories at rest<br />
I'll soundly let go<br />
and cherish the best<br />
<br />
For life is a memory<br />
set deep in our core<br />
I'm here<br />
and still here<br />
my soul demands more<br />
<br />
<a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="aa8915f24a3d2f14faa6e7b7b5a97002" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=aa8915f24a3d2f14faa6e7b7b5a97002&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_8724141" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">To sin is human</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_8724141" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=aa8915f24a3d2f14faa6e7b7b5a97002&_cb=1474805982145" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /><br />
to be human is a sin<br />
we're willfully refusing<br />
to explore deeper within<br />
<br />
Choose who you love<br />
this choice is a slate<br />
Choose wisely and aptly<br />
they're memories you'll create.<br />
<br />
E.L.<br />
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Having the revelation, and coming to terms with the fact that you've been <i>setting yourself up for failure</i> and hurt - for your entire life - is not one that sinks in nicely. This leads me to wonder...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>Does time really heal all wounds</i>? </b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I can't say it does.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
and...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Does time at least ease the pain of those wounds? </i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It builds scar tissue. It creates a barrier of tough skin which is meant to seal the wound shut, but evidence of the wound is <i>still </i>going to be there thirty years down the road.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The intensity of the pain lives in stages. When looking at heartache, <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="6f22b19a2ba381bb953d2b8ecbe75e7a" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=6f22b19a2ba381bb953d2b8ecbe75e7a&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_6590115" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">trauma</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_6590115" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=6f22b19a2ba381bb953d2b8ecbe75e7a&_cb=1480721022793" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />, losing a loved one, or any devastating event that takes place, the pain is very comparable to an external wound.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When the event initially takes place, one of two things will happen;</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's either going to hurt like you've never hurt before...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
or</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's going to be such a deeply penetrating, incomprehensible trauma that you become numb and feel nothing. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Some would prefer to take the lifeless, numb rout. Personally, I'd rather feel the pain in all of its glory. I never got to really feel the pain initially, and as a result, the delay in healing is one that seems never-ending. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you're lucky enough to feel the pain at the time of the trauma, at least you know that because it hasn't killed you, it has to eventually get better. You can move on and eventually look back, being grateful that you aren't stuck in that moment. It allows you to live the rest of your days with a much deeper appreciation for the small things in life, and to see the beauty of the world that goes unrecognized by most others. You have a gift. You know that you are blessed and your life is lived with clarity and peace. It may take weeks, months or years to come to this point, but when you arrive, you wouldn't have had it any other way.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sometimes, as a defense and survival mechanism, our own psyche must protect us from ourselves. Our inner spirit knows that if we are able to feel the pain of the newly inflicted wound, either the pain itself will physically kill us, or we'll intentionally kill ourselves.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Everyone has a different threshold to different levels of pain. This is why we all react differently to pain, and there is no "right" way to respond. Some levels of response are more long-term beneficial than others.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The most detrimental level of response, is to have no response. Having no response may temporarily cover up the wound, and add Lidocaine to the sore spot, but when that numbing agent slowly eases off, the pain begins to ease on. The pain can come on months or years after-the-fact.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At first, the pain may not feel as if it is a direct result of the wound. It might begin with an annoying itch, a tingling sensation or just a feeling that something isn't right. In my case, the pain reared its ugly face in the form of panic attacks. After I had "normalized" my horrific, dangerous living situation and circumstances (which is also known as <b><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B00IXBG9QM" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="79c23b2c3720c663a1c64e607fa4fb4a" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="stockholm syndrome e mcnew" href="http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Fire-Danger-Dysfunction-Prime-ebook/dp/B00IXBG9QM/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=79c23b2c3720c663a1c64e607fa4fb4a&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_6745633" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Stockholm Syndrome</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_6745633" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=79c23b2c3720c663a1c64e607fa4fb4a&_cb=1466263582986" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></b>), my psyche must have felt that it was safe to begin the healing process.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My inner spirit knew that I could not begin the healing process, though, until I first felt the pain of the initial wound. This is where the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD began kicking in. I eventually developed <b>agoraphobia</b>, a condition that makes it nearly impossible to leave your home out of the fear of having a major panic attack, or from having experienced a major panic attack. I was frustrated and I didn't understand why I was getting these panic attacks.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The pain got worse, much worse, before it began to ease.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The most painful events, which are also consistent with <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="0692305408" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="6fded7c592bb4426a550468b104ac2d7" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Unlimited-Exclusives/dp/0692305408/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=6fded7c592bb4426a550468b104ac2d7&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_2186091" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">PTSD</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_2186091" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=6fded7c592bb4426a550468b104ac2d7&_cb=1466263620070" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />, are when anniversaries, birthdays, or specific dates come around.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In my case, it was Birthdays that hurt the most. I was forced to ask myself why the happiest, most loving and awakening memories of my life were causing so much pain. I'm referencing to the birth of my daughters. Their Birthdays hurt me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Their Birthdays hurt me because I no longer got to celebrate them, with them. My daughters, then two and three, were taken from me by the system when I was only eighteen, after a horrific sequence of events happened (narrated in my <a href="http://amzn.to/1YYtNdk" target="_blank">memoir</a>).</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The symptoms of PTSD eventually helped me to get out of the dangerous situation that I was living in. But the problem with the fact that I was so numb to the initial wound for such a long time, is that I never got to fully understand the root cause of the wound. This made me susceptible to similar wounds occurring in my future. I was living in "survival mode" for such a long time, striving to have just my basic needs met.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I wanted a "decent" man in my life and children that I could love and cherish. I was sure that would be enough to meet my basic needs. If I had slowed down enough to just ask myself the simplest and basic of all questions, I would have, for certain, prevented future wounds from causing more destruction.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Why? </b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Why don't we ever ask ourselves why?</b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If we backtrack, we will quickly realize that all of the painful aftermath could have taken a lighter, more bearable course if I had only asked myself that very basic question.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am amazed that I had this revelation from simply asking myself the most basic question. <b><i>Why?</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
By accepting, understanding, and forgiving ourselves and others, it is possible to begin healing to a point of being able to live again. Usually what seem to be the most difficult of answers, are revealed with the most basic of questions.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Why.<i> </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I was only thirteen years old, and I quickly discovered what it meant to feel the <b>pain of loss</b>. It was my first substantial dose, and to this day I can still recall every detail. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">In my memoir, </span><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011SG78SQ" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="8e9e77a129c7f8ff1b3c563ce0eab31d" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="Long Blue Line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Crime-Popular-ebook/dp/B011SG78SQ/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=8e9e77a129c7f8ff1b3c563ce0eab31d&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_7426317" rel="nofollow" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;" target="_blank">Long Blue Line</a><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;"><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_7426317" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=8e9e77a129c7f8ff1b3c563ce0eab31d&_cb=1447938178469" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">, I write about the day leading up to this loss. I felt the pain emotionally and physically. I felt strong jolts of energy pulsating through my arms and out of my finger tips. I sobbed for night after night. I felt empty and incomplete. I felt as if a part of me left. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">The better part of myself who I had grown to love and accept was gone. </span><br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="53bf9bd9a94f6955aee162b71d6f0276" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="Long Blue Line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=53bf9bd9a94f6955aee162b71d6f0276&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_3215597" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Long Blue Line</a><span style="border-color: initial; border-image: initial; border-width: initial;"><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_3215597" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=53bf9bd9a94f6955aee162b71d6f0276&_cb=1480719761372" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></span> </span></h2>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Chapter 1, Page 7</span></b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
</div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%;">"My First Time: How I cringe! I mainly
cringe because I was just so young. He was my first boyfriend, and his name was
Andy. Even though we were just kids, I still believe to this day that we were
truly in love. Clearly, we wanted to move much more quickly than we were really
ready for, physically and emotionally. We were together constantly for about a
year. He lived with his grandparents, and his grandfather picked up a job out
of town about four hours away. Eventually, he had to move. On moving day, my
mom dropped me off at his house to help him and his grandparents pack. Another
friend of ours, Jesse, was there too. The few hours I spent watching him pack
his life away was utter heartache and torture. I had a lump in my throat and it
took everything that I had in my soul not to break down and cry. I was too
embarrassed at that age to show emotion, and for Andy, it had so much depth to
it. We were both each other’s firsts - first in everything in the romance
department. He was my <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="45f9d447bc7eeeb86f6a5439a4a77531" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=45f9d447bc7eeeb86f6a5439a4a77531&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_6354301" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">first true love</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_6354301" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=45f9d447bc7eeeb86f6a5439a4a77531&_cb=1480719847383" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" />. When my mom returned to pick me up, Andy pulled one of his
childhood stuffed animals out from a box about ready to be taped shut. He then
doused the bear with his cologne that I loved. Standing in front of his empty
garage, with my mom and twin waiting to take me shopping down the hill with
them, I had to make the goodbye as fast as possible before I broke down in
front of everyone. Andy and I gave each other our last ever hug and a quick
kiss with definite plans to be together again. For the next week I cried myself
to sleep hugging and smelling the stuffed bear which was all that I would ever
have left of my first true love. It took me about three months to realize that
we couldn’t be together. We were too young, and having to wait for four years
is a long time to a teenager."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201206/adolescence-and-falling-in-love?collection=100364">Adolescent love</a> for a small 15% is much, much more than what some would call puppy love. It leaves an imprint in the mind of the individual(s) for years to come, if not for the rest of their lives.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">
</span></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I don't talk about the details of what happened after Andy left in my book. Looking back now, this was a turning point in my life. There were several things about my relationship with Andy that I didn't have the mental capacity of understanding. We were just kids, so of course the adults in our lives weren't taking what we had built together seriously after he moved away. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">When Andy and I found each other, we were both in a state of innocent vulnerability. We just didn't know it. What we had was so unusually powerful for many reasons, but the fact that we had these commonalities made it even more significant:</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">1) We were our first for everything; sex, love, emotional bonding</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">2) We had both never had our hearts broken prior to being together</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">These two variables alone have been proven in psychology to increase the likelihood that an emotional imprint would be left with both of us to live with if we were ever separated. And we were.</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Now, fifteen years later, we are reunited and can't help but look back at the past and wonder how things could have been if we were not separated. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>In an article published</b> by <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201206/adolescence-and-falling-in-love?collection=100364" target="_blank">Psychology Today</a>, written by <strong style="line-height: 24px;"><a class="dark-link block-link" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/carl-e-pickhardt-phd" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; clear: both; color: black; display: inline !important; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none; transition: color 0.2s; word-wrap: break-word;">Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D.</a></strong></span></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 24px;"></span><a class="dark-link block-link" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence" style="clear: both; color: black; display: block; float: none; line-height: 24px; text-align: justify; text-decoration: none; transition: 0.2s; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Surviving (Your Child's) Adolesce, there are points made, that are all too familiar.</span></a><br />
<br />
"It is a merged relationship — so each one feels part of the other, not quite whole when they are not together. They are highly sensitized to each other — so both are alert to subtle interpersonal signals and are easily hurt by small slights from each other. The intimacy is deeper than with anyone else. Too feel so deeply known and deeply knowing makes other relationships seem shallower by comparison.<br />
<br />
There can be a sense of a desperate <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/attachment">attachment</a> — so the joy of having each other is coupled with the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fear">fear</a> of losing each other. And there are conflicts of a painful kind as they wrestle with issues of freedom and possessiveness, honesty and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/deception">deception</a>, trust and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/jealousy">jealousy</a>, togetherness and separateness, satisfaction and sacrifice.<br />
<br />
It’s important for parents to be mindful of these tensions in order to appreciate the complexity with which their son or daughter is dealing. In-love comes at a price of periodically being very unhappy when harmony is temporarily lost or obstacles are encountered.<br />
<br />
Break ups of in-love relationships in high school are particularly painful for the one who is broken off and feels hurt, helpless, betrayed, abandoned, or rejected. Sometimes the response to being jilted in an in-love relationship seems to be <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/sex">sex</a>-linked.<br />
<br />
Young women often grieve <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="77e5cfd54131e526c8b99ea8209ec7b5" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=77e5cfd54131e526c8b99ea8209ec7b5&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_7811728" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">pain from loss</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_7811728" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=77e5cfd54131e526c8b99ea8209ec7b5&_cb=1480721423566" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> and may respond more depressively. Allowing themselves to feel deeply saddened, they are often able to reach out for social support to help them though a hard passage. At worst, they are at risk of doing themselves harm. "I can't live without him!" "I'll never be loved again!"<br />
<br />
Young men, by contrast, who are more accustomed to toughen up, suppress hurt feelings, and go it alone, may respond more aggressively. They may be more inclined to manage pain from loss by turning it into <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anger">anger</a>. They may decide to do something about it, responding to get the woman back for hurt received, to reassert control, to save social face, to get even. At worst, they are at risk of doing harm to the other person. "She was just out to hurt me!" "She'll pay for this!"<br />
<br />
Often young men seem to fall in-love harder perhaps because they are more starved for emotional intimacy than young women who often have enjoyed it with close female friends over the growing up years. Young men may not have been used to opening up and emotionally sharing with anyone, least of all with male friends. In high school, young men in love who are jilted can be more deeply hurt than they let on, less likely to seek emotional support, and more prone to retaliation too.<br />
<br />
So the guideline for parents is: take falling in love and in-love breakups seriously with your adolescents. Don’t dismiss them as just the rough and tumble of “puppy love.” If your son or daughter in high school is jilted in an in-love relationship, you should put that young person on a watch for any signs of a depressive or aggressive response."<br />
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Taking place in the idyllic town of <i><a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="a86be6a6b8b9b5c6980993a96d55b862" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=a86be6a6b8b9b5c6980993a96d55b862&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_2730447" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">South Lake Tahoe, CA</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_2730447" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=a86be6a6b8b9b5c6980993a96d55b862&_cb=1480716417649" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></i>, <a href="http://bit.ly/teenpregnancystories">Long Blue Line</a> is the coming of age of Elizabeth Jeter. It candidly reveals the provocative and secret world of a planned <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011S43JIG" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="ca40e5712fe32df261867f60e4f71eaf" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Based-Story-ebook/dp/B011S43JIG/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=ca40e5712fe32df261867f60e4f71eaf&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_8281756" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">teen pregnancy</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_8281756" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=ca40e5712fe32df261867f60e4f71eaf&_cb=1480716451447" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> and the brutal consequences that follow. The girl next door - popular and driven.</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Entertaining a thought</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">so inviting and free</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lurks in a corner </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">death whispers to me</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">All is lost</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">never to return</span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">The ache of your mind</span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">a heart set to burn</span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not once</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">not twice</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not three times</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">but four</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Your false hopes and dreams</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">have melted to the floor</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">A mind so sick</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">a progressive disease</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">The disease of your core</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">to nothing can ease</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tears have depleted</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">serving no role</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">The end of your purpose </span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">is starving your soul</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not once</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">not twice</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not three times</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">but four</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Don't hold on</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">there will never be more</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I ask these questions</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">what...</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">...why </span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">and how</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">If forever is never</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'll make never now</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">The world will thrive </span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">with less taken space</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Something is nothing</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Death cannot erase</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Elizabeth
McNew is a dynamic professional whose publishing acumen has resulted in
amazing success for her clients. In addition to her roles as freelance
writer, <a href="http://elizabethmcnew.brandyourself.com/poemaboutlife.blogspot.com">blogger</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B00H5Q17FY">best-selling author</a> and web design specialist, she has helped over one hundred aspiring authors launch and <a href="http://elizabethmcnew.brandyourself.com/%20https:/www.fiverr.com/ebookdownloads"><strong>sell ebooks</strong></a> in nearly every genre. She also invests in website design and auctions.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">While life is certainly treating her well, it wasn't always so cordial. Formerly known as <strong>Elizabeth Jeter</strong>, she grew up in the small town of <strong>South Lake Tahoe</strong>, California. During her youth, Elizabeth struggled with <strong>substance abuse</strong>, <strong>teen pregnancy</strong>, <strong>domestic violence</strong>, <strong>child custody loss</strong> and hardships in the <strong>California court system</strong>. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Her ultimate passion has always been writing and she candidly recounts her challenging journey in the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011S43JIG">controversial book</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011S43JIG">Long Blue Line</a>-which is available on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011S43JIG">Amazon.com</a>. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">It
wasn't easy, but she persevered in the end and is still going strong.
Her ambition is clearly evident in each project she assumes and her
impeccable reputation is something new and existing clientele have
learned to depend on.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">To reach Elizabeth, please email <a href="http://elizabethmcnew.brandyourself.com/cdn-cgi/l/email-protection#21514e444c40434e54554d484744405455494e5361464c40484d0f424e4c"><span class="__cf_email__" data-cfemail="572738323a36353822233b3e31323622233f382517303a363e3b7934383a">[email protected]</span>
</a> or visit her blog at <a href="http://poemaboutlife.blogspot.com/" target="_self">http://poemaboutlife.blogspot.com</a></span></div>
</div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Last January, I was asked to offer a contributing piece for a book which was focusing on the topic of drawing inspiration after pain. I wanted to share some of what I contributed.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>A Contributing Article</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
After writing an essay-style paper on what draws out my <i>passion</i>, <i>inspiration</i> and <i>strength</i> in life, I decided that it's simply not going to be that easy. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Life isn't an essay</b>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It can't be planned out with chosen key points, which we limit our time reflecting on. The <i>unpredictability </i>of being alive, <i>is what life is</i>. It's an unpredictable ride that walks us down an unknown path that can have us crawling to one chapter, and sprinting to the next. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We can't have the ability to see whats worth living for and appreciating if we haven't <i>first</i> seen what's dark. Whether we ourselves cause our own pain or it has come from another uncontrolled source, there is always a way to draw beauty and peace from any experience. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Some people believe in a God, some are spiritually connected to the universe, and some live without a view or opinion of the unknown. If you were to ask me, I'd tell you to step outside, look out of your window, listen to the sound of a piano, the echo of an opera, or the laugh of a child. Pay attention to what surrounds you and ask yourself how it could have <i>possibly</i> come from a force that isn't greater than ourselves. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We're naturally curious because we're human. Since our creation, we have been trying to understand and figure out life and death, hoping that death isn't really the end of our journey. One thing that inspires me to live my life to its fullest is being able to let go and allow myself to not have all of the answers. Music, art, falling in love, giving birth to my children, and doing my best to contribute to the better of my own species and the others living on my planet have all been my inspiration to continue living after my pain. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Experiences, good and bad, happy and sad, all give us wisdom and even more of an ability to live with purpose. Helping others is a great way to live with purpose. When I was down and in my darkest of days, I noticed that helping others in my same situation, even by offering words of advice or a lending ear, gave me a strong sense of purpose and a desire to continue living a meaningful life. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One of the most difficult struggles I've had to endure is that of loss. Loss can leave a permanent scar that doesn't ever go away. I've learned that it is possible to turn that scar into a message of hope and recovery, though. People all over the planet experience loss every second of every day. Whether it's the loss of a parent, a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend or the tragic loss of a child, we are never alone. We're here to learn from and support each other, and <u>it's okay to not always have the answers</u>. If we know that we are doing our very best in any given moment, that's all that we can ever ask of ourselves.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
Author Interview: </h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011SG78SQ" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="7f83fe75f2f6abde5d24ad16266271b6" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="Long Blue Line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Crime-Popular-ebook/dp/B011SG78SQ/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=7f83fe75f2f6abde5d24ad16266271b6&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_1428906" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Long Blue Line</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_1428906" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=7f83fe75f2f6abde5d24ad16266271b6&_cb=1442689936747" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> by <a href="http://www.amazon.com/E.-McNew/e/B00H5Q17FY/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1" target="_blank">E. McNew</a></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img alt="Kindle Unlimited books" border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51zwS5qf9hL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg" title="New Kindle Books" /><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_6205293" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=ac3fc62c68f9a1e4bf523b8ad6576d36&_cb=1442689903445" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_67906" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=kia&linkId=9e4739f9e897872580d01fb8973bfd47&_cb=1442689863373" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /></div>
<div>
<b><span lang="EN"><br /></span></b>
<b><span lang="EN">Describe your book in a few sentences.</span></b></div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">This is a <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011SG78SQ" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="771544beaef38379dc0f699c382ecc53" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="long blue line" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Crime-Popular-ebook/dp/B011SG78SQ/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=771544beaef38379dc0f699c382ecc53&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_3566408" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">memoir</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_3566408" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=771544beaef38379dc0f699c382ecc53&_cb=1442690041717" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> of my life
from ages 14-22. It descriptively and honestly narrates the consequences that I
faced after my planned <a amzn-ps-bm-asin="B011SG78SQ" class="amzn_ps_bm_tl" data-amzn-link-id="455a09f4429d645006510310e50941a2" data-amzn-ps-bm-keyword="teen pregnancy" href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Crime-Popular-ebook/dp/B011SG78SQ/ref=as_li_bk_tl/?tag=refejet-20&linkId=455a09f4429d645006510310e50941a2&linkCode=ktl" id="amznPsBmLink_496888" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">teenage pregnancy</a><img alt="" border="0" height="0" id="amznPsBmPixel_496888" src="https://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?source=bk&t=refejet-20&bm-id=default&l=ktl&linkId=455a09f4429d645006510310e50941a2&_cb=1442690111424" style="border: none !important; height: 0px !important; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; width: 0px !important;" width="0" /> became a reality. My childhood was
suddenly gone, and I unknowingly stepped into a life of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Long-Blue-Line-Planned-Pregnancy-ebook/dp/B00O1LX7P4/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-2&qid=1428794732" target="_blank">loss, grief, guilt,substance abuse, domestic violence</a> and so much more.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">Who do you think would most benefit from reading your memoir?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">Any person who has struggled
with guilt, substance abuse, losing children to the system, and other hardships
will find inspiration from this story, and my hope is that it can offer other
strength in knowing that they are never alone.</span><span lang="EN">Additionally, my memoir can
benefit any person who wants an insider’s look into teen pregnancy and other
issues, including parents, grandparents, teenagers, or any person just wanting
to read a good book.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">Many readers have had a powerful, emotional experience reading your book
and say it is a story that needs to be told. Why do you think people have
responded so strongly to your book?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I think that because my
story is so dynamic there are many level of trials in life that many - if not
most all people can relate to in one way or another. The book sparks an emotion
that really takes you back to yourself as a kid, and the well-intentioned yet
unrealistic ideas that came to mind as we tried to find ourselves.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">Although most of the responses to your book have been positive, a few have
criticized you for the bad decisions (drug abuse, etc) you describe in your
book. What was the purpose of sharing these incidents with readers?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN"> </span><span lang="EN">When I decided that I was
going to tell my story by writing a book, I instantly knew that the story could
not be told if I were to sugar-coat it. As difficult as it was, I forced myself
to take myself back to those days of many, many mistakes and the consequences
that followed. I put myself in the same frame of mind that I was in, writing
down my every thought that I had as the events were unfolding. I did this to
give myself a better understanding of my choices that were made, as well as
offer others the same understanding that addiction can and will change a person
overnight.<br /> </span><span lang="EN">The book is not meant to “redeem”
myself for my choices. That simply can’t happen and I will not force it. The
book is meant to spread awareness through education. And hopefully, prevent others
from making the same mistakes.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">In your book, you chronicle a dark period of your life, involving
addiction, jail, and other challenges. How is your life today compared to what
you describe in the book?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">Although my current life is
not in the book, I will be writing a sequel in the upcoming months. My life
today is lived with purpose. I live with compassion, and I rarely judge others
regardless of their own hardships. I live every day being grateful for what I
do have, and I try to never take advantage of that. I’ve been blessed with a
new family and a safe home, and beautiful two year old daughter who I treasure
every minute of every day. </span><span lang="EN"> </span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">You’ve made a dramatic transition, from struggling with addiction and being
in jail to being a successful author and entrepreneur. What inspired you to put
your old life behind you?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I’ve realized that if I ever
do get a chance to see my girls again, it will probably be my only opportunity
to allow them to form their own opinions and feelings of me. I have no choice
but to work hard each day to become the best person that I can be and live as
an example for others. If I do not do this, it would only be a selfish and
disrespectful way of life and wouldn’t show my girls how much I love them and
want to be in their lives. Actions are really what speak, much more beyond
words.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">One of the themes in the book is that being a parent is a huge
responsibility and rushing into it can have disastrous consequences. Why do you
think teen pregnancy continues to be such a large problem in America?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I believe that society in
general has formed guidelines, or a specific way to live by. Society tells us
from a very young age what we are “supposed” to do. We are “supposed” to go to
college, we are “supposed” to get married and have kids, we are “supposed” to
work 40 hours a week. This is giving kids the impression that their personal
happiness is only going to come from what we are “supposed” to be doing. I
think that this is the core of where the teen pregnancy issue exists. If our
parents, teachers and other examples were able to put an emphasis on allowing
kids to explore and find their identities in less of a “by-the-number” way, our
future generations could become full of amazing, talented and happy young
adults. There needs to be more art, music, and creative programs available for
every child to participate in. By helping children find their passion early in
life, they are going to be enabled to chase their dreams and live their purpose
right away. The void of boredom, curiosity and even depression would be
replaced with who they are and what they love about life.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">How do you hope your book impacts readers?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I hope that my book will
ultimately soften them. I hope it will educate them, help them to become less judgmental
and motivate them to help themselves or others in a productive, yet
compassionate way. Anger, judging and criticizing people, and stereotyping
people into “statistics” will never change the sad realities that many people
live in. It’s not going to improve the future for our children and
grandchildren, unless we allow ourselves to become open-minded, compassionate
and productive members of society.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">At the end of the book, you share a bit about your current life and your
children, but many readers still have a lot of questions. Do you plan to write
a sequel to your book?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I do! The sequel is going to
mainly cover the positive elements that have led me to my life today, which is
certainly a life worth living! Hopefully by next year it will be available.</span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span lang="EN">Is there anything else you'd like potential readers to know about your
book?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span lang="EN">I’d like readers to go into
this with an open mind and the primary goal of educating themselves. They
should know that there are parts that will probably spark emotion, and maybe
even anger. But, if the book is able to do this, it means that it must be one
worth reading as it connects with you on a level beyond just reading a story.</span></blockquote>
</div>
</div>
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</script></div>poemaboutlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05729419332743113799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229011218943669567.post-48984476957106410682015-02-11T04:39:00.001-08:002015-02-11T04:40:50.844-08:00A letter to myself<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Moments ago</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I awaken in tears</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>An oddly vivid dream</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Arouses my fears</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Please oh please</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Don't make me go to school</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I'm awkward and shy</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b> I look like a fool</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>All of my peers </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>So happy and alive</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I can't stay awake</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>How can I survive</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Those in control</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Assume that I'm bad</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>My soul wants to scream</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>That I'm simply just sad</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I don't understand</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I guess it's just me</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Forced into the morning</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>A rough stormy sea</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I need an escape</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>A person to care</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This tireless crowd</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>It's stealing my air</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>One out of five</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>My grades may fall</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I'm trying to thrive</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I feel so small</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>If I could be</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Twenty-Seven today</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>My grown-up self</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Would look at me and say</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Just like you</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>The world is trying to cope</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>They don't understand</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>How to offer you hope</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>The only one </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Who can grasp what you need</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Is yourself little girl</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>and you surely will succeed</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Don't fear the world</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>or life, or your peers</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>See creation as a whole</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>and learn from your tears</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You'll have many more</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Making you stronger and wise</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You'll live in dark days</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Only lessons in disguise</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You will find your purpose</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You'll share what you've learned</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You'll become who you are</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>These traits you have earned</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Master your patience</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>By waiting for what's right</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>This teaches compassion</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>To another offers light</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Pen your values to paper</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Read them every day</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>When you're lost for an answer</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>They'll show you the way</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Be true to yourself</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Stay proud of your heart</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Rise over the awry</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You are so very smart</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>In uneasy moments</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Be brave and stand tall</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Speaking your wisdom</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>So they may not fall</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Always be honest</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Most importantly to yourself</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Never fear what comes</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>When asking for help</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Nurture your spirit</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Pray every night</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Be one with the world</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Stay humble in your light</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>When you come to the moment </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Of clarity and peace</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>You'll be Twenty-Seven</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>And free to release</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Your young teenage self</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Uneasy and unsure</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Smiles in response</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>Now happy and secure</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Well...reading that that was awkward..<span style="font-size: x-small;">.<a href="http://poemaboutlife.blogspot.com/2015/01/long-blue-line-pre-continuation.html" target="_blank">if your wondering why I'm reading this story</a>.</span>.. <span style="color: #cc0000;">(</span></b><span style="color: #cc0000;"><i>see <b>chapter 1 excerpt</b> from<a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank"> Long Blue Line</a></i> <i>below</i><b>) </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: 0.2in;">I can't help but wonder how many other people out there were also <i>highly sensitive kids</i>. My sister recently finished reading a book on this topic, called </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307352153/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0307352153&linkCode=as2&tag=truestory05-20&linkId=QKCBASCM2YPBAULA" style="color: #996633; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-indent: 0.2in; vertical-align: top;" target="_blank">Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking</a><span style="text-indent: 0.2in;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18.2000007629395px;">. </span></span><br /><br />She actually gave me her copy when she was finished, explaining that it reminded her of myself, almost exactly. I'm not surprised. Apparently, highly sensitive kids also have a brilliant side, if nurtured and understood.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">So, when </span><a href="http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm" style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;" target="_blank">psychology refers to the <i>highly sensitive child</i></a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">, what exactly are they talking about?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">Here are some </span><a href="http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm" style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;" target="_blank">facts that I found</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;"> to be interesting, and definitely relatable:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: 0.2in;">A </span><i style="text-indent: 0.2in;">Highly Sensitive Child</i><span style="text-indent: 0.2in;">, or </span><i style="text-indent: 0.2in;">HSC</i><span style="text-indent: 0.2in;">, is one out of 15-20% of children who are born with an extremely reactive nervous system.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Loud noises, sudden changes, or the intense emotions of others can cause the <i>HSC</i> to become easily overwhelmed. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The <i>HSC</i> can have any sort of temperament. There isn't a particular behavior linked to the <i>HSC</i>. Simply put, they're all sensitive to their physical and emotional environment. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The <i>highly sensitive child</i> thinks before they act, sensing potential danger and assessing possible consequences of their actions.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">From personal experience, I can say with certainty that having the trait of being </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">highly sensitive </i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">as a child and as an adult has been entirely misunderstood by society, and even looked down on. This trait is not generally understood or viewed as a positive trait. This leaves a communication gap between children and their parents, teachers and peers. The</span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;"> HSC</i><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;"> is often times a very talented person, who simply needs to be handled and approached with extra care while growing into adulthood. If the parents and teachers are unable to grasp that the child is highly sensitive, it's common for them to become anxious or even ashamed of every small failure.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Is your child <i>highly sensitive</i>? Or, were you <i>highly sensitive</i>e as a child?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I found this <span style="color: #3d85c6;"><a href="http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test_child.htm" target="_blank">questionnaire</a> </span>that can help you recognize the signs to look for.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From <a href="http://unfortunately%2C%20the%20trait%20has%20been%20somewhat%20misunderstood%20in%20our%20culture%2C%20so%20that%20most%20psychologists%20and%20parents%20tend%20to%20see%20only%20one%20aspect%20of%20some%20sensitive%20children%20and%20call%20this%20trait%20shyness%2C%20inhibitedness%2C%20fearfulness%2C%20fussiness%2C%20or%20%22hyper%22%20sensitivity.%20if%20one%20could%20see%20inside%20the%20mind%20of%20a%20sensitive%20child%2C%20however%2C%20one%20would%20learn%20the%20whole%20story%20of%20what%20is%20going%20on--creativity%2C%20intuition%2C%20surprising%20wisdom%2C%20empathy%20for%20others...%20%20but%2C%20for%20all%20of%20that%20to%20blossom%2C%20they%20absolutely%20must%20be%20raised%20with%20understanding./" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0b5394;">this website,</span></a> I'll share the authors thoughts as I close. And please, please don't allow your<span style="color: #0b5394;"> <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" style="background-color: white;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0b5394;">highly sensitive child to become a misunderstood label.</span></a></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Peace and Love,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Lizzy McNew</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Long Blue Line</span></a></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">True Story</span></i></div>
<h1 style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc402143140">Chapter 1 </a><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">(Excerpt)</span></span></h1>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
scrawny little 13-year-old body was pumping with adrenaline. I peered over my
shoulder and through my nerdy glasses to make sure that no one else in the
class had noticed my shaky reaction. My G-rated literature days were over. I
had never read anything so intense. It was like a first date - so nerve
wracking but incredibly thrilling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After
losing my literature virginity, I started spending all of my free time cozied
up in my little twin-sized bed obsessing over these novels. The characters were
all young, beautiful <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">girls in their teens</a>. They all had a disadvantaged
upbringing and faced horrible tragedy. Most importantly, they all ended up
living in some immaculate mansion with a rich, distant relative that they never
knew existed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
young mind was incredibly influenced by these books. These stories started to
create their own lives, building into my subconscious. I was suddenly and
completely infatuated with tragedy as well as thinking up various ways of
becoming rich like the girls in the novels. At the age of thirteen, I was going
through the obituaries in the local newspaper hoping to find a rich relative
that would leave me their estate. I also put together a flip -book of the
future mansion I wanted to own in Palm Springs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If I
wasn’t romanticizing about death or tragedy, it was money I was thinking about
or sometimes boys. The thought of boys would take over about a year later. To
say I was a little mixed up would be an understatement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was
always a <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">sensitive kid</a>. The most minor things would severely upset me,
especially unexpected loud noises. I’ve been told that the vacuum, toilet
flushing, and the blinds being pulled up would put me into a panic when I was a
baby. On a night back in 1990, my mother was driving us all home from a weekend
visit with my Grandma and Grandpa. First, I was already extremely upset over
the fact that I had to leave them. They spoiled my twin and me rotten. Our
older sister didn’t mind leaving as much as we did. She was a teenager and had
more important affairs to attend to. My mom must have bribed me with candy of
some sort for the four-hour drive home we had ahead of us. The candy was
fantastic. The aftermath, however, was disastrous. It left me sticky. Even
worse, the napkin my mom threw to me in the back seat was DRY. Little pieces of
this napkin broke off as I tried with everything in my soul to get my hands
clean. I was bawling my little eyes out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Not only was I sensitive, I was also very
imaginative and compulsive. Let’s go back to my <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">very firsts</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">My First Crush</a></b>: We all have a first crush. I was only five years old. Seeing him
gracefully fly around on his magic carpet, bravely leap from building to
building, was all it took to have me completely in love. I had dreams of flying
over the city every night. When I woke and realized that the only Aladdin I had
with me was a Barbie doll, it practically broke my heart. I just knew that he
would return one day to marry me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
First Drink: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Most all of us experiment with the beverage that so many adults
elegantly held in their glasses. They refused to share a taste as they rambled
on forever appearing to completely adore life and everything about it.
Eventually, I got curious! My mom wasn’t much of a drinker, luckily. But other
parents were. My best childhood friend, Holly, was just as curious and excited
to sample our first drink. I brought a “water bottle” over to her house that
night. It was the perfect night for this trial. Her dad was busy working late,
and the only company sharing the space was her brothers. The vodka in the water
bottle ruined our attempts to be discreet. We were dizzy in the hallway and
giggling about how stupid we felt. Holly lectured each and every brother, three
total, about the negative consequences of alcohol. They had expressions of fear
in their eyes as if she’d gone completely mad. It was epic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My
First Time: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How I cringe! I mainly cringe because I was just so young. He was
my <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">first boyfriend,</a> and his name was Andy. Even though we were just kids, I
still believe to this day that we were truly in love. Clearly, we wanted to
move much more quickly than we were really ready for, physically and
emotionally. We were together constantly for about a year. He lived with his
grandparents, and his grandfather picked up a job out of town about four hours
away. Eventually, he had to move. On moving day, my mom dropped me off at his
house to help him and his grandparents pack. Another friend of ours, Jesse, was
there too. The few hours I spent watching him pack his life away was utter
heartache and torture. I had a lump in my throat and it took everything that I
had in my soul not to break down and cry. I was too embarrassed at that age to
show emotion, and for Andy, it had so much depth to it. We were both each
other’s firsts - first in everything in the romance department. When my mom
returned to pick me up, Andy pulled one of his childhood stuffed animals out
from a box about ready to be taped shut. He then doused the bear with his
cologne that I loved. Standing in front of his empty garage, with my mom and
twin waiting to take me shopping down the hill with them, I had to make the
goodbye as fast as possible before I broke down in front of everyone. Andy and
I gave each other our last ever hug and a quick kiss with definite plans to be
together again. For the next week I cried myself to sleep hugging and smelling
the stuffed bear which was all that I would ever have left of my first true
love. It took me about three months to realize that we couldn’t be together. We
were too young, and having to wait for four years is a long time to a teenager.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif;"><a href="http://www.confessionobsession.com/blog.html" target="_blank">Read the full chapter </a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0.2in;">
<br /></div>
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</script></div>poemaboutlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05729419332743113799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229011218943669567.post-67863883312483752022015-01-15T07:44:00.001-08:002015-01-15T11:23:39.598-08:00Long Blue Line | Pre-Continuation <div style="text-align: justify;">
Shall I begin?<br />
Let's see. I'm the author of my own five-hundred and something page <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">memoir</a> and to be honest...<b>I haven't even read my own book</b>. After spending a year of writing a memoir (or any book for that matter), you'd expect the author would reserve some time aside to read their hard work that they invested so much time into, and relax for once. Not me. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I didn't have to think about what I would write next. It was already stuffed away in my dark and blurry memory. The most difficult task that I hadn't expected to face was having to actually force myself to think about those memories. It was the most difficult <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">internal battle</a> </span>I've ever dealt with. I would write obsessively for weeks at a time, hardly sleeping as I typed away, and I knew that I would need to take a break when the signs of <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">PTSD</a> began rearing their ugly faces. The flashbacks were getting more intense, and I was getting closer and closer to believing that this time around, I really might end up in a white jacket. Reality was always sure to snap back to me when my husband called my name, or when my little girl demanded that I read her a book. These came to be moments of clarity. I went from devastation to elation in a matter of seconds. This was raw emotion.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I won't lie. The highs and lows sucked at times. But, they were there for a solid purpose. Without forcing myself to feel like shit for one moment, and completely thankful the next, my story wouldn't have the ability to tell itself. I was forced into moments of being faced with two options. Either skip over <i>that one bad part </i>that I really wasn't so proud of, or to suck it up and <a href="http://confessionobsession.com/" target="_blank">write with raw honesty</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I wasn't writing for other people. I wasn't writing to "get it off my chest". I was writing because I missed myself. I had forgotten who I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up. I missed my young teen years where I spent summer after summer hiding in my bedroom reading my twisted novels. I missed all of the times where I would pretend that I was playing my guitar on a stage, in the spotlight with an audience in total awe. I missed the moments where I couldn't just <i>not </i>sing along to my favorite songs, and even though I was embarrassed that my mom and sisters could most likely hear the teenage echo bouncing off of my beamed bedroom ceiling, I just couldn't help but sing.<br />
I missed the little girl who I could never return to. I missed the kid who was making flip books of her future mansions in Palm Springs. I missed my childhood.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
I needed to know why, or at least understand what could have possibly influenced my future choices as a young adult. I didn't know if I would find answers, but I had to try. I was at a turning point in life, and I knew that if I wasn't brave and continued to keep my eyes closed to my hidden past, my bright future had the possibility of dimming back out to subconscious self-destruction and pain. I wasn't willing to ever go back to that place. My life depended on this. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I won't lie. I'm not jumping up and down over reading <a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">this book</a>. But, my curiosity is slightly killing me. <a href="http://bit.ly/1C5NHU0" target="_blank">This blog</a> (and whoever reads it) is going to hold my hand.<br />
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Never let any obstacle, no matter how great or small, stand in your way of living for your passion and fighting for what you believe in. We get one life. Max it out.</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;">–E. McNew</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
And so we rewind to a distant memory in 2001.</div>
<div style="height: 0px;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Chapter 1</b> |<a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank"> Long Blue Line</a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif; font-size: 18pt; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>
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</script></div>poemaboutlifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05729419332743113799noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229011218943669567.post-80258540104072938222015-01-13T22:53:00.000-08:002015-01-13T22:53:02.251-08:00Ambiguous Loss<h2 style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">
<b><a href="http://amzn.to/1sLmMqq" target="_blank">Ambiguous Loss</a></b></h2>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How to describe</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">a loss that's unknown</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
An undying question</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">if they'll ever come home.</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In your heart you know</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">that they're ok</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
But what about the nights </div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">when they're gone far away?</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hanging by one string</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The string of just hope</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You can't let it break</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's our only way to cope</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once Upon a Time</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just a fuzzy distant thought</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
What you wish to have done over</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What's left</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">and who's not</span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Our last conversation</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Last hug and last smile</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To feel it once more</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
You'd run mile after mile</div>
</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Please God just please</i></span></div>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 13px;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hold them tight every day</i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Please strengthen their hope</i></div>
<i><div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Let them know that I pray</i></div>
</i></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To lose what's not gone</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Is an undying pain</div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">To live for you today</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My prayer is to gain</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The involuntary hope</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">For our parents we hold</span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
That one small string</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How I value as gold</div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Broken away</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Unfair and gone</div>
</span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Living with today</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For you I stay strong</div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">If I don't again</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
See the memory I plead</div>
</span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I'll hold on to hope</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That this life will still lead</div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">This life I call mine</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Has lead me to love</div>
</span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
True hope</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
True faith</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My Purpose </div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All above</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My passion is change</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: center;">
God's Light</div>
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So Real</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No pain shall exist</span></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That our God will not heal</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
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